Surviving Mommy’s Sickness
Arriving to my sisters, in Brooklyn a little past 7:30 pm, I felt anxious, but tried my best to relax. I would have to walk into her building, which I hated, but did not have the mental space to prepare myself. So, I held my breath and walked into the building.
“This goddamn elevator never works,” yelled an elderly tenant.
“Nah, It works Mister, you have to press the button!” a young woman replied.
I thought I would pass out by the time it arrived as I was still holding my breath, but did not succeed in stopping the scent of the lobby from assaulting my nostrils. The aroma of piss and food was intoxicating in the worse way. “Oh God, help me I am going to have a migraine by the time I leave this place, I know it,” I said to aloud to myself.
When my sister opened the door, I almost fainted.
“Where’s the food punk?” Rhonda asked.
“Rat girl, I will get something on my way home!”
“What about Nijah, Blanche, he hasn’t eaten.”
“Okay Rhonda. He is going to have to come down with me, and bring it back, or I will just give him the money. Jackiiiieeee, come on babe, auntie has to get home.”
“What is going on in here Rhonda?” I said, suddenly taken notice of my messy surroundings.
Clothes appeared to be everywhere and the lights were all off. The only light emanated from the television in the living room where my niece watched some cartoon program and my nephew played on his laptop. “Dude, what the fuck?” I whispered to my sister.
“Blanchie” she said, and I finally stopped to look at her. She was gaunt and obviously had lost a tremendous amount of weight.
“I am tired,” she continued. Right then, I knew she had had another episode and I wanted to cry. This time it had to be bad because her apartment was in complete disarray.
“What is happening Rhonda, what is going on?”
“I am just tired and I need a break. Please take Jack for the weekend and Nijah is going to his dad’s house.”
“Did you have another episode; did you take your medication?”
“Yes and I am tired. I tried. I tried not to get down, but this thing with the kid’s dad is…I tried not to get down. I’m really tired Blanchie.”
“Do you want to come with me and Jack to my house? We can make a girls weekend of it. We will hit the mall, movies and dinner. Rhonda, you should come, I do not want you here by yourself babe,” I said trying to entice her by sounding upbeat.
“No, I want to be alone. I am just so tired. I just want to sleep.”
“You can sleep at my house. I will only bother you to eat and I will take Jack with me and we will stay out of your hair the whole weekend-promise”
“No, I want to stay home.”
“Rat girl, you need to get out of here and especially out of this building, it is falling to pieces. Does the super even clean this place anymore? I nearly choked to death on the odor in this building,” I said laughing hoping she would too.
“I am not moving, I like my apartment and I will not be able to get another for the same amount of money.”
As my sister rationalized her wanting to stay in a building that was on its way to being labeled condemned, in my opinion, I surveyed the room again. It was a hot mess and my niece still sat watching the television as if she was in a trance. My nephew finally stopped clacking away on his laptop to greet me.
“Hi auntie, what’s up?
“Nada Enchilada, what’s up with you?”
“Nothing, I am about to leave, I wanted to see you before I mirked up outta here, ya dig?”
“Boy, shut up,” I said playfully as I mushed him in the head.
“Alright then auntie, I’m out.” My nephew said, grabbing his knapsack, kissing me, then his mom and plucking my niece in the head as he made his way towards the door.
“Wait, grown man,” I said reaching into my purse for a twenty. “Here dude, just in case you want a snack or something.” Grabbing the money, my nephew was out the door.
My niece still engrossed in her program sat there completely oblivious to everything going on around her.
“Jack” I sang while snapping my fingers in front of her, “let’s go chubs. Auntie has lots to do.”
“I’m hungry auntie,” Jackie finally muttered as I shoved her 6-year-old limbs into her coat.
“Pizza or McDonalds?”
My sister stood by watching our exchange blankly, but managed to walk us to the door. My niece said her goodbyes to her mother and I, feeling torn, grabbed my sister in a strong hug then shuffled my niece out the door.
We made our way to New Jersey. My niece, a usual chatty Cathy remained quiet for most of the ride.
“Jack, what’s up?” I said to her, trying to encourage conversation and take my mind off my sister in crisis.
“Nuthiiin auntie, Nijah said we could survive this auntie.
“Survive what chubs? “ I said poking her in her side.
“I am not a chub auntie,” My niece said giggling, Nijah, said mommy’s sick again, but we can survive.”
“Oh,” I said swallowing hard. I did not know my niece and nephew talked about my sister’s situation at all, if any. I knew it had some affect as my niece’s behavior was changing. My nephew appeared to be cool, but I am no fool, and I know it has taken a toll on him too. I just did not know he would say anything to my niece.
“So, how are you and Adonijah going to survive?”
“Be good auntie, I am going to be good cause mommy is tired and needs her rest. Nijah is going to be good too and clean his room, and watch me for mommy.”
“Sounds good,” I said with a weak smile.
This situation was graver than before, but I could not really understand why. I was angry with my sister for letting herself fall apart. I mean her and Jerome separated so long ago…
Finally, pulling into my driveway, I breathed a sigh of relief; my niece unbuckled her seat belt and got out of the car. Once inside my house, I sent my niece to wash up for bed, and then put on her favorite movie. Before we settled ourselves on the couch to watch a movie, my niece had drifted off into a deep slumber. I made sure she was completely covered by the blanket and continued watching “Akeelah and the Bee,” alone. I had seen this several times, but it still held my interest…or so I thought. Not so long after Jack slept off, I could feel myself drifting too….
Bam, Bam, Bam
The sound of banging forced me out of my sleep and I ran to the door and opened without even asking whom it was. “Adonijah what are you doing here?”
“Auntie, you have to come quick, its mommy, and she is going to hurt herself!”
“Huh, what are you talking about?”
“She is trying to hurt herself!”
I could not remember, how or when I got in the car, but the next thing I knew my nephew, and I were back in Brooklyn. My sister Rhonda was outside with a group of people I did not know. “Rhonda,” I called after her, but she began to walk away. “RHONDA,” I said again, this time louder. She must have heard me because she turned around and looked at me, but her expression was blank. “Rhonda, where are you going?” I asked, but she looked passed me with a blank stare then began to walk away. I tried to go after her, but somehow, and I cannot remember how, I lost her. In a frenzy, I must have turned down the wrong street. However, I managed to find her again. The funniest thing is, she no longer had on her coat. I ran toward her, but I could not reach her, no matter how fast I moved she remained out of my reach. Finally, I was right before her, close enough to grab her. “Rhonda,” I said reaching for her arm. She yanked away and pulled a gun from what seemed like the air and shot herself in the heart. The ear-splitting echo of the gun firing “BOOM” jolted me out of my sleep and I almost fell to the floor.
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